From Panicked to Peaceful

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Panic.

The alarm goes off, but I'm already awake. Gasping for air.

The alarm goes off, but I'm already awake. Heavy breathing. Constriction in my heart. Gasping for breath, wondering when it will end. Will this be the last one? The walls close in. Crushing pain & anguish. This feeling of heaviness, despair. This life isn't worth living if this is what living is. 

As the panic subsides, my body still reveling from adrenaline, I peel myself out of bed. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Empty. My fiance looking at me as though he is going through it himself. I can see the helplessness in his eyes - it's mirrored in my own feeling of helplessness over my own body. 

I head to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. Puffy eyed, a shadow of my former self. Who is this girl looking back at me?? The once gleaming, blue eyed optimist that believed anything was possible was looking more like a ghost. Doing anything and everything to get through the day.  And a part of her not even caring if she did anymore. 

I open the medicine cabinet and reach for the bottle. Anger swells inside of me that this is what my life has become. I pop the pill into my mouth, knowing the side effects are only a matter of minutes away. Slurred speech, memory loss, numbness in my limbs. The new normal. 

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The New Normal

There is an incredible strength that resides within people who suffer from chronic anxiety, but we are often too fearful to truly see it until it's in hindsight. Our bodies and brains work overtime just to make it through the day. Sifting through real and perceived fears. Trying to keep pace with our own obsessive thinking. Attempting at every corner not to slip down the rabbit hole of worst case scenarios. 

I know this life all too well, because it consumed me for years. Despite my own training as a social worker, yogi and reiki practitioner - I felt helpless. I decided it was time for me to turn the reigns over and surrender my healing to these practices and mentors. Healing from anxiety is a team effort. So if you are looking for a teammate on this journey to heal - I am here for you. 

If you are ready to dive into your emotional well being and clear out the gunk that's weighing your down, let's talk. You don't have to muscle through alone. True strength lies in accepting help from others. Let's partner together for your healing. 

You put that crystal where?!

I wait with baited breath for a special package to arrive. Slowly unraveling the velvet bag in which it's housed. I've meditated with crystals before, but none like this. Out from the pouch falls a beautiful jade yoni egg. Radiating with powerful goddess energy that holds centuries of sacred feminine knowledge. 

Holding it in my palms, I know this holds the key to my release, surrender and pain. I create a sacred space - bathing my new treasure in a bath of warm rose water. Cherishing the vibrations it has already brought to my home. Patiently waiting for a ceremonial meditation to engage the divine within. 

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Awaken

Instantly, I feel the sacred energy of generations of women before me. 

 

I remove the yoni egg from it's bath, sealing it with reiki energy and whispering intentions of release, surrender and trust into the sacred tool. Creating a peaceful space to begin, I turned on the sounds of surrender, my favorite guided meditation (Insight Timer App). 

Instantly I feel the sacred energy of generations of women before me . Tears flood into my eyes and a warmth builds in my womb that I have never experienced before. "This is your power. Your key to abundance," I hear from a voice within. 

Emotion floods my heart. Let it go already. These feelings of unworthiness, loneliness and failure. Don't you realize what a powerful being you are?! I tell myself. As the meditation lingers on in my ears, the tears are uncontrollable. Warm tears that held on to year of pain, doubt and shame. Released. One by one and then by the dozen. 

The heavy energy leaves my body and I am left with the feeling of power, purpose and presence. Radiating from the seat of my creativity and feminine power then out through my legs, up my heart and through the crown of my head. Aligned. Dignified. Sexual. Powerful. Radiant. 

There is no shame in the human body. The powerful female energy that creates life. I know this. I feel this. Connection. Pleasure. Power. 

I encourage you beautiful women to connect with this power that resides within you. Release the things that no longer serve you and connect with the divine goddess you are. I'm challenging myself to commit to this practice for 30 straight days to see what unfolds. Don't be afraid to share your journey and story. It is in our own practices that we find our healing release. 

 

 

 

 

 

Energy Vampires & Empaths - OH MY!

Oh the journey of an empath. The blessing and curse of feeling things so deeply. Absorbing energy, being overstimulated and the genuine empathy that comes from truly understanding another's pain. 

Being an empath, lightworker and yoga teacher, I often get asked by people on how I protect my own energy in conducting reiki as well as how people can protect their own energy day to day. There are so many ways to protect your energy and the key is to be consistent with these practices. I know I have been guilty of getting in a self care groove and once I start feeling really good, I let the habits drop off.

Cue: energy vampires. Our greatest teachers. If you have one in your life - thank them for the lessons they teach you. Hey Carly, wtf is an energy vampire? You might be asking yourself. You know the type. Someone in your life that is chronically negative. They come to you with all of their drama, wanting to glean your positive energy but as soon as you have a problem.....crickets. These people can be draining, physically, emotionally and energetically. But they have also been the conduit of me wanting to help myself. 

So here we go. Here are a few of my tried and true favorite ways to protect my own energy. These are simply things I have learned from others and also tried myself after years of working in social work, reiki & yoga. It took me a while to find what worked for me, including getting sick after sessions, chronic anxiety and migraines/psychic headaches. I have noticed a huge shift in my own energy levels & personal power. 

1. Rub a dub dub. If you are in a profession where you are hands on with other people (yoga teacher, massage therapist, nurse, reiki practitioner, etc) wash your hands often both physically and energetically. After I finish a session or in my group work, I run one hand along one arm from shoulder to fingers and repeat. I simply say: "I release Sally's energy from my energetic body" to myself. I'm also sure to wash my hands regularly. 

2. Sage YO self! Keep sage or palo santo wood handy in your home. Keep some by your front door - so before you step foot in your house, you can cleanse your own energy before bringing anyone else's energy into your home. 

3. You Salty??? I sprinkle salt outside the front door of my house & bedroom. If you have more than one entrance to your house, sprinkle salt outside your entrances. Salt is highly healing, cleansing and protective. Another tip is to frequently take epsom salt baths. 

4. Break out the bubbly! No not like that. I mean your energy bubble! Have you ever walked into a room, store, space - wherever and just immediately felt the energy was "off." If this happens to you , take a step back, stop and take 5 mindful breaths. Ask yourself to be protected in this situation. Some people find it helpful to imagine themselves in a bubble, with a white light around them or an invisible shield. I find the visual helped me when I was starting out. 

5. Red bottoms. Yes, like the shoes. Think of where your feet, your shoes and your steps are taking you. Are they in toxic locations or in locations that fuel you. If you have no choice but to enter a toxic environment (let's say this is your place of work) - take your shoes off before you come home. If possible - dedicate a few pairs of shoes that are work only and even keep them in your car. Our feet pick up energy EVERYWHERE - you wouldn't want to track dog poop in your house just as much as you don't want to track negativity in there. 

I hope this all makes sense my beautiful empath friends. Be sure to take time for yourself and your self care. I run plenty of retreats that help you with these tools, and my next one is June in Costa Rica! Click here to get more information on this exclusive self care getaway.