From Panicked to Peaceful

2018-Carly Mahon-67.jpg

Panic.

The alarm goes off, but I'm already awake. Gasping for air.

The alarm goes off, but I'm already awake. Heavy breathing. Constriction in my heart. Gasping for breath, wondering when it will end. Will this be the last one? The walls close in. Crushing pain & anguish. This feeling of heaviness, despair. This life isn't worth living if this is what living is. 

As the panic subsides, my body still reveling from adrenaline, I peel myself out of bed. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Empty. My fiance looking at me as though he is going through it himself. I can see the helplessness in his eyes - it's mirrored in my own feeling of helplessness over my own body. 

I head to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. Puffy eyed, a shadow of my former self. Who is this girl looking back at me?? The once gleaming, blue eyed optimist that believed anything was possible was looking more like a ghost. Doing anything and everything to get through the day.  And a part of her not even caring if she did anymore. 

I open the medicine cabinet and reach for the bottle. Anger swells inside of me that this is what my life has become. I pop the pill into my mouth, knowing the side effects are only a matter of minutes away. Slurred speech, memory loss, numbness in my limbs. The new normal. 

2018-Carly Mahon-01.jpg

The New Normal

There is an incredible strength that resides within people who suffer from chronic anxiety, but we are often too fearful to truly see it until it's in hindsight. Our bodies and brains work overtime just to make it through the day. Sifting through real and perceived fears. Trying to keep pace with our own obsessive thinking. Attempting at every corner not to slip down the rabbit hole of worst case scenarios. 

I know this life all too well, because it consumed me for years. Despite my own training as a social worker, yogi and reiki practitioner - I felt helpless. I decided it was time for me to turn the reigns over and surrender my healing to these practices and mentors. Healing from anxiety is a team effort. So if you are looking for a teammate on this journey to heal - I am here for you. 

If you are ready to dive into your emotional well being and clear out the gunk that's weighing your down, let's talk. You don't have to muscle through alone. True strength lies in accepting help from others. Let's partner together for your healing. 

You put that crystal where?!

I wait with baited breath for a special package to arrive. Slowly unraveling the velvet bag in which it's housed. I've meditated with crystals before, but none like this. Out from the pouch falls a beautiful jade yoni egg. Radiating with powerful goddess energy that holds centuries of sacred feminine knowledge. 

Holding it in my palms, I know this holds the key to my release, surrender and pain. I create a sacred space - bathing my new treasure in a bath of warm rose water. Cherishing the vibrations it has already brought to my home. Patiently waiting for a ceremonial meditation to engage the divine within. 

2018-Carly Mahon-209.jpg

Awaken

Instantly, I feel the sacred energy of generations of women before me. 

 

I remove the yoni egg from it's bath, sealing it with reiki energy and whispering intentions of release, surrender and trust into the sacred tool. Creating a peaceful space to begin, I turned on the sounds of surrender, my favorite guided meditation (Insight Timer App). 

Instantly I feel the sacred energy of generations of women before me . Tears flood into my eyes and a warmth builds in my womb that I have never experienced before. "This is your power. Your key to abundance," I hear from a voice within. 

Emotion floods my heart. Let it go already. These feelings of unworthiness, loneliness and failure. Don't you realize what a powerful being you are?! I tell myself. As the meditation lingers on in my ears, the tears are uncontrollable. Warm tears that held on to year of pain, doubt and shame. Released. One by one and then by the dozen. 

The heavy energy leaves my body and I am left with the feeling of power, purpose and presence. Radiating from the seat of my creativity and feminine power then out through my legs, up my heart and through the crown of my head. Aligned. Dignified. Sexual. Powerful. Radiant. 

There is no shame in the human body. The powerful female energy that creates life. I know this. I feel this. Connection. Pleasure. Power. 

I encourage you beautiful women to connect with this power that resides within you. Release the things that no longer serve you and connect with the divine goddess you are. I'm challenging myself to commit to this practice for 30 straight days to see what unfolds. Don't be afraid to share your journey and story. It is in our own practices that we find our healing release.